The Healed Happy Whole Woman by Tishley Janeene

THE 5 “DONT’S” FOR A HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY.

If you should ever “fall” in love, be sure to take your brain with you.

It’s coming. The BIG day when women all over the world desire to be flooded with affection and put on display like winning trophies by the men they love.

It’s the day when everywhere that you go, you see some symbolism of love and relationships, and everyone you know is celebrating, LOVE.

Have you guessed by now what day that is? Yes! I assume that you have. IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY! (lol) The day when happily married, happily dating, and those in “satisfactory entanglements” are ecstatic, while those who are unhappily single or in “complicated entanglements”, are miserably depressed. All for the same reason, …….LOVE.

Year after year, hundreds of beautiful women spend Valentine’s Day sacrificing themselves and their dignity by either begging to be loved by a man who has no idea that they are worthy of it, or by overly loving a man who does not deserve the love being given to them. (Side-note: You never have to beg a man who loves you for love.)

This blog is a “What NOT To Do” for the millions of beautiful women who are single or dating this Valentine’s Day.

Are you ready? Let’s go!

VALENTINE’S DAY “DONT’S”

1. DON’T BEG FOR GIFTS AND LOVE.

If a man values you enough, he will find a way to show you, without you having to ask for it, and not just on Valentines Day.

2. DON’T GET PREGNANT BY AN IDIOT OVER A BOX OF CHOCOLATES.

A moment of pleasure can lead to a lifetime of responsibility.

You must not be so desperate for love that you throw all caution and common sense to the wind over ONE DAY of teddy bear’s and chocolates. Children are a gift, but unplanned, they can tie you to a fool forever. Plus, who you choose to sleep with says a lot about how much you love yourself.

3. DON’T GO BROKE FOR A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP.

Don’t go over spend, buying gifts and showing “expensive love” to a man who YOU KNOW does not love, respect, value and care for you properly, all year around. Save your dignity….. and your MONEY hunny!

4. DON’T MAKE VALENTINE’S DAY A COMPETITION.

Don’t make Valentine’s Day a day to do a competitive “social media production” if the rest of your days together are a living hell. Valentine’s Day is NOT a competitive sport. If you have an amazing love life, celebrate it as you wish. But, If you do not have a love story yet, you do not have to create the image of one for likes and media applause. It is ok to be single and content on Valentine’s Day, until love finds you.

5. DON’T SET YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE.

If you know that your guy truly loves you but is not overly “mushy” or big on public affection, and you accept that from him the other 364 days of the year, DO NOT SET YOUR EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH for one day.

Also, If you KNOW that “your guy”, (the “he”, “him” you can never name publicly), is not really yours and does not want to be yours, avoid disappointment by being REAL with yourself. You know what it is! Stop breaking your own heart by lying to your heart.

That’s it! Those are the 5 “don’ts” that will help single unmarried women have a fantastic, drama and depression free Valentine’s Day! LOVE starts within. When you are content loving yourself, you attract true love. It is ok to be single and content, until true love finds you.

Follow us on Instagram @ the healed happy whole woman

Sister Friends.

One of the most awesome gifts in life is a TRUE FRIEND. If you happen to find more than one in this life time, consider yourself extremely blessed.

Celebrate what makes your friends unique.

A TRUE friend easily becomes more like a sister or family. A sister-friend is someone you bond with. It’s someone who understands you because they WANT to know you not just to “figure you out” or get something from you.

It’s someone who gets your quirkiness, your humor, your style, your flaws, your taste and everything that makes you, YOU. A sister-friend is someone who does not bash or shame you for your mistakes, nor for the thoughts and views you have that may differ from their own.

It’s someone who promotes and pushes your dreams and endeavors as if it were their own. Even and especially when no one else does. It’s someone who BELIEVES in who you are before the rest of the world ever sees who you are.

WHAT BLOCKS TRUE SISTERHOOD?

One of the reasons so many women miss out on good long lasting friendships is because they expect and sometimes even demand that all of their friends be the same or “just like them”, instead of appreciating the differences.

When you meet someone, you must be willing to accept them for who they are and what they will bring to the friendship IF you are going to be friends.

For example, If you are naturally a “giver” and you love giving gifts and surprises, that is an awesome trait to have, but it is YOUR trait. Your friends may not be “givers”. It is unfair to become upset with a friend for never giving you gifts if they are not “gift givers” by nature. As long as they show genuine gratitude for the things you do, look for other ways that they may be showing you their love and appreciation. Maybe you have friends who are a great listeners and to them being a listening ear when needed is the equivalent of buying giving a gift. (Love Languages apply to all forms of relationship not just romantic.)

If you have friends who don’t like partying and hanging out with crowds, don’t harass them over it but find ways to enjoy their company in smaller settings and visits.

If you know that you are a sensitive person who needs a lot of time and attention, find friends who give that so that you are fulfilled without making your less “needy” friends feel guilty.

UNDERSTANDING is what creates a sisterhood. The women with whom we have this sisterhood easily become our great “Sister-friends”.

The friends who have remained and are consistent in my life understand and appreciate me for who I am and vice-versa. There have been some over the years who did not understand it or who needed more than I could offer, so they left and that is ok. We are not obligated to stay in friendships where we are made to feel guilty for not being who someone else wants (not needs) us to be. It is ok to let some “friends” go and for some of them to let you go without discord or slander. This is an act of maturity. Some connections are only for as season.

Sisterhood creates good times and great memories.

SISTER FRIENDS:

They love and support each other in good and bad times. They celebrate each other without secret envy or jealousy. They hurt when a sister is hurting. They cheer when a sister is winning! They love, genuinely, beyond differences, disagreements and debates. They always make things right, if not immediately, then eventually. They can handle having multiple circles of sisters and they embrace what makes each of their friends special and different.

Sister- friends are the women that you can trust in your presence and in your absence. They are the friends who do not change in challenging times. They are the ones who stand up for your name, your character and your reputation. Sister-friends are the friends who you never have to question the heart, motives or intentions of.

They fix their sister’s crowns without letting the rest of the world know that it had slipped. They live, laugh, love and pray you through!

If you have friends who have become your sisters, cherish them, love them, value them, appreciate them and make sure that you return the love. ~ Be healed. Be happy. Be whole. @tishleyjaneene

Follow me on Facebook @ Tishley Janeene Inspires

Loving ME?

What does it really look like to love yourself?

“Loving You Is Easy Cause You’re Beautiful.”- Minnie Riperton”

Everywhere that you look there are motivational speakers, messages, podcasts, social media posts and memes encouraging and reminding you to LOVE yourself.

Most women, when asked, “Do you love yourself?” would answer affirmative and say, “Yes.” Sometimes we say it even when we don’t feel like it, in those times when we don’t FEEL very loved or loving, we still say “YES”.

But stop for a minute, close your eyes and ask yourself right now, ……..

DO I REALLY LOVE (ALL OF) ME? ….Sit in it, ….let it breathe….. think about it.

The real question is: How do you know if you really love yourself? How does it feel? What does it look like?

I believe that loving yourself is about accepting yourself as you are. It means completely embracing your faults and flaws, “the good , the bad the ugly” parts of your story because they are a part of YOU. They all combined make you who you are.

I often say, “Any part of you that you wish that you could change is a part that you are not fully loving.” It is possible to strive for better without hating what you now are and possess.

Loving yourself is about NOT beating yourself up for past failures and mistakes but learning the lessons and applying them for a better future.

Loving yourself is about not letting others make you feel that you are unworthy of pure LOVE, acceptance and forgiveness .

Loving yourself is about your DECISIONS. The types of friends you choose, the people you choose to hang out with, the men that you choose to date or marry, the places, things and activities you choose to be a a part of. These things speak volumes of your love for yourself.

When you truly love yourself you value your time, your space and your energy and that causes you to NOT tolerate anything less than the best from others towards you, in both romantic and non-romantic relationships.

THERE IS DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “SELF-CARE” AND LOVING YOURSELF.

We hear a lot to day about “self-care” and I am a total advocate of it! However, taking yourself out for shopping and dinner, spa days (my personal favorite lol ), buying yourself nice things and over all treating yourself well is great self-care but does not always equal self-love.

Self love is what makes you still genuinely LOVE YOU, on the days when you look in the mirror and see yourself as “fat” or you feel ugly no matter what you do and your hair won’t work, and you thought you would be further ahead in life than you are, and you’re single and feeling alone or married and feeling alone, and when you feel like you have no friends even though you really do, and you just don’t fit in……. BUT YOU STILL FEEL WORTHY OF LOVE!! You don’t stay there and wallow in those negative emotions because you KNOW that you are still amazing.

When you truly love yourself, you understand that a bad DAY does not have to mean a bad LIFE.

Loving yourself is about CONFIDENCE. It is about the freedom to be EXACTLY who you are without making apologies to anyone who is not strong enough to handle who you are! It leaves no room for insecurity.

There is no love that can compare to the healthy, genuine, sincere, and unconditional LOVE that YOU can and should give to yourself every single day. You deserve the love you give!

Before anyone else can love you, you HAVE TO.

Be HEALED. Be HAPPY. Be WHOLE. – @ tishey janeene

Follow me on Facebook @ Tishley Janeene Inspires

Being amazing starts with believing that you are. (Smile) – tishley janeene

What If It NEVER Happens?

I personally know tons of AMAZING women who are happy, secure, whole, successful and ready for love …… but who are still SINGLE. Questioning How? Why? And…….

I think that the questions that plagues many women’s minds by age 30, if not before is

WHAT IF IT NEVER COMES? What if LOVE never finds me?

What If I NEVER GET MARRIED?

Whether you are single and have never been married, was married and are now divorced or widowed and starting over, by a certain age, your biological time clocks start to taunt you with the question “WILL I EVER BE MARRIED?” or “WILL I EVER RE-MARRY?”

You see others younger than you or much older than you “tying the knot”, starting families, creating memories and for you time just keeps passing by. Your senses are heightened to the things that you HATE about single life, like; pumping gas, taking out trash, brushing snow from the car…. In total frustration you wonder, WHERE IS MY HERO HIDING!?!!?

CALM DOWN. Breathe. Don’t let these questions be a plague in your life.

God has NOT forgotten about you. If it is in His will and plan for you to be married, guess what? You will!

Waiting is not always easy but it is necessary. You must learn how to effectively wait because HOW you wait determines how quickly you receive.

EFFECTIVE WAITING: Here’s my list of what you should be doing while you’re waiting:

Get Ready. Be Ready. Stay Ready. -Don’t wait to become a great wife, be a great woman and that will increase the chances that you are a great wife.
Feed Your Mind and Spirit Positive Life- Giving Things. -Nobody wants a mean, unhappy, negative wife.
Grow and Develop Yourself- Travel, Gain Knowledge, Meet New People, Do New Things! LIVE!
Have Something To Bring To The Table- Go Back to School, Finish Your Degree, Start A Business, Launch An Idea! Tap Into Your Abilities and Build YOUR life first.
Get Rid of All Insecurity And Brokenness. HEAL. It is not a man’s job to heal you.
Build Up Your CONFIDENCE and Be SURE Of Who You Are- Confidence is sexy.
Do NOT Stop BELIEVING In Love, It Still Exists. Hebrews 10:23 “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.“
Love On Yourself. Treat yourself very well. Look good and feel good
Do NOT settle for being a life-long “girlfriend” or just a “Baby-Moma” to a man who never intends to make you his wife. Save the best parts of you for the man who deserves it.
Pray and TRUST GOD with unwavering faith.
KNOW THAT GOD IS HAS NOT LOST CONTROL of your life and future.

When God knows that you are fully READY, healed, happy and whole, love will come! When it is your time, you wont have to beg, borrow or steal love, it will belong to you. It will nourish you in every way.

Do not allow TIME and PROCESS to discourage you from the reality that it still can and will happen for you. Job 11:18 “And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security.”

REMAIN HOPEFUL!

It is not too late. You are not too old. All hope is not lost.

Let God Make Your Journey Beautiful While You Wait.

If you have the desire to be married or re-married, no matter how long it takes, don’t stop believing. When the timing is right and God knows that you are healed and whole, that is when He sends exactly what you need, when you least expect it. Gods timing is perfect. We tend to rush God but HIS timing is impeccable! You must not let your HOPE die.

Romans 8:25 “But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.”

When the time is right, LOVE WILL COME….. and it will be BETTER THAN GOOD! You wont miss it.

“Be Healed, Happy & Whole”- @ tishley janeene

@thehealedhappywholewoman

Don’t Let Anyone Save YOU For Later.

“The Man Who Loves You Will SHOW YOU On His Arm Not On A Shelf. “

I saw a quote yesterday that said, “Most single people are not living, they’re waiting.”

It’s true. Most single women are in fact, in some way, WAITING for love.

WAITING………….

Waiting for a man’s call or text.

Waiting for a man to be “ready.”

Waiting for a man to settle down.

Waiting for a man to STOP cheating.

Waiting for a man to “grow up.”

Waiting to be treated better (But choosing to stay and wait.)

Waiting for his potential to shine brighter than his present.

Waiting for a ring, waiting for a proposal, waiting for marriage.

So many women are willing to wait, because of “LOVE”. Especially if they have invested time and energy into the relationship for a significant amount of time. We don’t want to lose the time that we have investment or the man we believe we love.

HERE’S THE THING: The issue is not the act of waiting. It’s not the anticipation of wanting to be loved or married that poses a problem.

The issue so many women face is the question of whether or not who and what they are waiting for is WORTH the wait?!?!

It’s Ok To Wait But Don’t Waste Your Time.

There is nothing wrong with waiting and/or dating to see IF a person is the right one for you. That is what dating is supposed to be about. AND – How long the process of learning if a man is “the one” takes a different amount of time for each person and each relationship. Its not about how long you wait IF the wait is productively producing progress.

WAITING only becomes an issue when your waiting is NOT producing and becomes a waste of valuable time and good years. It only becomes an issue when you are giving the best of yourself to someone who can not or will not give you commitment.

SO HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE WAITING OR WASTING TIME?

Here are just a few ways that I have come up with in my year of experience.

Real Men KNOW what they want and they pursue it. If he is NOT pursuing you, he probably does not want you. (But he may want the benefits if you’re handing them out freely.)
The man who truly values your value WILL NOT risk letting you get way.
The man who loves you and is interested in moving forward with you, will be PROUD to have you and thus, will never make you a secret. (Privacy is one thing, being a secret is another.)
The man who is interested in a future with you will TALK to you about the future he is planning with you.
The man who loves you desires to be better, not because you ask him to but because your genuine love makes him to WANT to.

WAKE UP! Get Off The Shelf…. And Live!

Sometimes true love comes quick and sometimes it takes TIME. Sometimes, it really is WORTH THE WAIT. There are times when a man is not playing love games and really does love you but just is not ready to settle down. Some women are ok waiting until a man is right or ready and that is ok. It’s her choice.

Every woman has the responsibility of loving herself enough to be HONEST about where a relationship is really going. (Be truthful, we KNOW when it’s going no where. ) If a man tells you or shows you that he is not ready, don’t stay and torture yourself for what YOU WANT and torment him for what YOU KNOW he is not able to GIVE you. It’s ok to move forward.

When that reality becomes real and you KNOW that you have reached a dead end, you have to be willing to turn around and take another route. Where you end up next could be better than where you thought you wanted to go.

Don’t miss out on BEING loved, waiting to be loved. You deserve to be a priority not an option. Get off the shelf! Be loved now not later.

– Tishley Janeene

@The Healed Happy Whole Woman- “Life Doesn’t Have To Be Perfect To Be Amazing.”

SINGLE!?…. on Valentine’s Day?

It’s here! …… The BIG day…that so many SINGLES hate!

The day when seemingly the entire world is “yelling in your face” to remind that:……… YOU ARE SINGLE! ………What day is it? VALENTINE’S DAY! (LOL)

So many women dread this day. LOVE is literally on display, EVERYWHERE!

And then there’s YOU in all of your singleness, stuck in front of a “screen”, watching back to back episodes of women receiving gifts, surprises , engagement rings, public affection and love –AND YOU CANT CHANGE THE CHANNEL FOR 24 full hours!

Personally, this is my first SINGLE Valentine’s Day in 4 years………. I didn’t think I would ever have another single (unattached) V-Day but last year, I ended my overall great long-term relationship with a really good person because we both knew that we had given it our all but it was not “the thing” that God intended for our futures. We mutually agreed to let it go and we now enjoy a healthy friendship!

So! Here I am back to single. ( Honestly, I am not sure how this item was placed on the ballot and voted in for me to “start over” without my vote. Lol. God is hilarious sometimes.) BUT! Here we are and guess what? It’s really ok. I’m content where I am and SO EXCITED for what comes next in life and love! I am completely healed, whole, ……. and HAPPY! Yes! Even ON VALENTINE’S DAY! lol You should be too!

Is it just another day? ……..

For some, it’s no big deal, you just don’t care to see it all day.

(Probably Still In Some Form Of A Healing Process.)

For many, you’re good because you LOVE seeing LOVE, even in your own waiting season.

(Probably HEALED And At Total Peace, Ready For Love.)

For some, you hate every second of it and it shows and you are likely miserable today.

(Probably Still Broken In Some Way.)

For others, it brings a sadness that is a reminder of something or someone that you loved and lost, a divorce, a recent break-up or separation.

(Probably In Need Of Counsel And Healing )

*A “wrong” relationship can still have a great purpose; Sometimes*
*“wrong” only means wrong time, wrong space, wrong season.*

DO NOT LET ALL THE GLAMOUR OF SOCIAL MEDIA “LOVE” DECEIVE OR DEPRESS YOU TODAY or any other day. Some of the most “happy” couples you see and make your “relationships goals” are more miserable in those relationships (behind closed doors) than you will ever be in your singleness.

IS IT WORTH IT? To receive cute and or expensive gifts and public attention for the world to see on “V-Day” ……. but wake up and still feel SINGLE, unloved, unappreciated and unwanted THE NEXT DAY and the rest of the year ??

NOTE: I LOVE LOVE. I love to see others in love, romantic comedies and loves stories are my favorite movie genres, I love feeling and being loved and in love. My life stance is: If you are truly happy and well loved, by all means flaunt and CELEBRATE it, Big! But…..

As women, we must grow beyond needing to PROVE our happiness to others and just learn to LIVE IN IT. You can proudly SHOW IT- BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PROVE LOVE. When you are loved properly, it speaks for itself, daily, not just on one special day.

What every single woman should know is:

IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD to be single (ON ANY DAY). Of course, most of us want companionship, love and commitment BUT you CAN be single and absolutely happy UNTIL love finds you…….. How?

It starts with healing, recovering, re-DISCOVERING and loving YOURSELF.

If you find yourself single this Valentine’s Day, hold your head up proudly, take yourself on a date, have a sister-friends day with other single friends, catch a movie, buy yourself some chocolates, get yourself a massage, laugh, have fun AND EMBRACE your singleness. (If you learn to do this right, you wont have to do it forever!)

It is not a man, his love or a relationship that gives you your ultimate value and validation. You must know how much you bring to any table that you sit at BEFORE you take your seat.

LOVE and Celebrate YOU! No matter who left you, how many relationships or marriages have failed. You are STILL valuable and worthy.

It is not until you learn to be happy and content alone (through every season) that you are ready to be happy, content and loved by someone else. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

“”Life doesnt have to be perfect to be wonderful.”- The Healed Happy Whole Woman

It Is OVER.

It is over.

I said it.

I said this statement to myself over and over again for months.

Some days I had to say it out loud. Sometimes I had to say it while looking in the mirror through eyes almost swollen shut from crying. I had to hear myself say it out loud so that I could process it and accept it. And I learned how to do just that.

When a marriage or relationship ends, it can be the most difficult thing to just ACCEPT that something has died…. but it is not a person, it’s a thing, emotional pieces of you, a place, a chapter of your life.

Divorce and break-ups cause us to experience the same traumatic, emotional process as GRIEF does when there is a physical death. The 5 steps of grief are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

DIVORCE and break-ups are a DEATH. They are an emotional transitioning. All of the shared moments, the laughter, the hugs and kisses shared, the romantic and fun dates, the road trips, not to mention if there are children attached to the memories with the person that you loved. In what feels like an instant, they are all GONE.

For me, it felt like I was losing everything, one piece at a time for what felt like a lifetime. The grief of the loss slowly attempts to take your breathe away. Your soul drifts, or so it seems. So then, …….

How do you find your way back to shore? How do you BREATHE again?

I will tell you what worked for me; ACCEPTANCE.

Giving yourself permission to grieve what has died, to feel the hurt and then release it. Letting yourself let go of his smell, the sound of his foot-steps, the tone of this voice, the way he looked at you, the way he held your hand. You may never “forget” all of these things permanently but you also can not hold on to them, initially.

You must accept what IS, if you ever want to move on to the possibility of what can be.

You can not live in what once was, what the two of you used to have, how wonderful the marriage used to be, how much he used to love you. You have to let go of every memory because they, just like with death, can hold you in a state of grieving longer than you want or need to.

Many women get stuck at the “bargaining” stage, trying or force it to work, begging the man to stay, knowing that the marriage or relationship has already died, in an effort to keep some sense of normalcy and familiarity- but you have to release it.

Before you can get to ACCEPTANCE, you MUST give yourself space to process through all 4 of the other steps; the denial, the anger, the bargaining and the depression that so many experience. You can not avoid dealing with these emotions first, whether through professional or spiritual counseling, family and friends or other healthy coping mechanisms- YOU MUST DEAL TO HEAL.

Ironically, you can start and end your healing journey with some form of this phrase. You start at “IT IS OVER.” but if you allow yourself to fully heal and recover properly, you end with,

“IT IS OVER, and I am well.” –

“Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”- Happy journey, Tish

Your Soul Can Be Restored?

Have you ever felt like life had really just taken it’s toll on your soul? Have you ever had the feeling that your entire being has been crushed by the trials and the challenges that have come. Have you ever felt like the disappointments, betrayals, heart-break, heart-ache, grief and losses that you have had to face have left your soul fragmented?

You smile, you make others smile, you keep the party jumping, making everyone else laugh, keeping others happy but underneath it all, there is a place deep within where no real light shines in. That place is your soul.

Maybe you hide the darkness well by being a light to the rest of the world. but inside you are exhausted.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THERE IS HOPE! Your soul can be restored.

I am exiting a season that I at one point thought would never end. There were some years over the last decade when I could see no light at the end of the tunnel, even though I had a real relationship with God. I felt like He had made me so many empty promises because years were passing and while there were some high points there were no major manifestations of change.

While it was not easy, I held on with the little strength that I had to my FAITH IN GOD that he would not fail me. I read His promises and even when it was had to believe, I refused to give up.

Sometimes HOPE is all that we have.

Hope and Faith carried me. What I did not know is that what God did not let kill me was indeed making me stronger. I was found my purpose. I found my joy, I found internal peace and you can too!

2020 Can be your BEST YEAR EVER! You can start right now by CHANGING YOUR MIND. Change your thoughts. Change the way that you look at your trials. Begin to ask yourself, what is God trying to teach me? Where is God taking me? Because nothing God does is without purpose!

It was the hardest season of my life that brought me to the realization of my highest potential. Look within. Seek to recover your self, your mind, heart, spirit, body and soul. Pray. Choose YOU. Declare today that in 2020 you WILL be healed, happy and whole. As you speak it, watch it manifest!

“A Whole Soul Is Amazing.”

Tishley Janeene