SINGLE!?…. on Valentine's Day?

It’s here! …… The BIG day…that so many SINGLES hate!

The day when seemingly the entire world is “yelling in your face” to remind that:……… YOU ARE SINGLE! ………What day is it? VALENTINE’S DAY! (LOL)

So many women dread this day. LOVE is literally on display, EVERYWHERE!

And then there’s YOU in all of your singleness, stuck in front of a “screen”, watching back to back episodes of women receiving gifts, surprises , engagement rings, public affection and love –AND YOU CANT CHANGE THE CHANNEL FOR 24 full hours!

Personally, this is my first SINGLE Valentine’s Day in 4 years………. I didn’t think I would ever have another single (unattached) V-Day but last year, I ended my overall great long-term relationship with a really good person because we both knew that we had given it our all but it was not “the thing” that God intended for our futures. We mutually agreed to let it go and we now enjoy a healthy friendship!

So! Here I am back to single. ( Honestly, I am not sure how this item was placed on the ballot and voted in for me to “start over” without my vote. Lol. God is hilarious sometimes.) BUT! Here we are and guess what? It’s really ok. I’m content where I am and SO EXCITED for what comes next in life and love! I am completely healed, whole, ……. and HAPPY! Yes! Even ON VALENTINE’S DAY! lol You should be too!

Is it just another day? ……..

For some, it’s no big deal, you just don’t care to see it all day.

(Probably Still In Some Form Of A Healing Process.)

For many, you’re good because you LOVE seeing LOVE, even in your own waiting season.

(Probably HEALED And At Total Peace, Ready For Love.)

For some, you hate every second of it and it shows and you are likely miserable today.

(Probably Still Broken In Some Way.)

For others, it brings a sadness that is a reminder of something or someone that you loved and lost, a divorce, a recent break-up or separation.

(Probably In Need Of Counsel And Healing )

A “wrong” relationship can still have a great purpose; Sometimes
“wrong” only means wrong time, wrong space, wrong season.

DO NOT LET ALL THE GLAMOUR OF SOCIAL MEDIA “LOVE” DECEIVE OR DEPRESS YOU TODAY or any other day. Some of the most “happy” couples you see and make your “relationships goals” are more miserable in those relationships (behind closed doors) than you will ever be in your singleness.

IS IT WORTH IT? To receive cute and or expensive gifts and public attention for the world to see on “V-Day” ……. but wake up and still feel SINGLE, unloved, unappreciated and unwanted THE NEXT DAY and the rest of the year ??

NOTE: I LOVE LOVE. I love to see others in love, romantic comedies and loves stories are my favorite movie genres, I love feeling and being loved and in love. My life stance is: If you are truly happy and well loved, by all means flaunt and CELEBRATE it, Big! But…..

As women, we must grow beyond needing to PROVE our happiness to others and just learn to LIVE IN IT. You can proudly SHOW IT- BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PROVE LOVE. When you are loved properly, it speaks for itself, daily, not just on one special day.

What every single woman should know is:

IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD to be single (ON ANY DAY). Of course, most of us want companionship, love and commitment BUT you CAN be single and absolutely happy UNTIL love finds you…….. How?

It starts with healing, recovering, re-DISCOVERING and loving YOURSELF.

If you find yourself single this Valentine’s Day, hold your head up proudly, take yourself on a date, have a sister-friends day with other single friends, catch a movie, buy yourself some chocolates, get yourself a massage, laugh, have fun AND EMBRACE your singleness. (If you learn to do this right, you wont have to do it forever!)

It is not a man, his love or a relationship that gives you your ultimate value and validation. You must know how much you bring to any table that you sit at BEFORE you take your seat.

LOVE and Celebrate YOU! No matter who left you, how many relationships or marriages have failed. You are STILL valuable and worthy.

It is not until you learn to be happy and content alone (through every season) that you are ready to be happy, content and loved by someone else. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

“”Life doesnt have to be perfect to be wonderful.”- The Healed Happy Whole Woman

It Is OVER.

It is over.

I said it.

I said this statement to myself over and over again for months.

Some days I had to say it out loud. Sometimes I had to say it while looking in the mirror through eyes almost swollen shut from crying. I had to hear myself say it out loud so that I could process it and accept it. And I learned how to do just that.

When a marriage or relationship ends, it can be the most difficult thing to just ACCEPT that something has died…. but it is not a person, it’s a thing, emotional pieces of you, a place, a chapter of your life.

Divorce and break-ups cause us to experience the same traumatic, emotional process as GRIEF does when there is a physical death. The 5 steps of grief are:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

DIVORCE and break-ups are a DEATH. They are an emotional transitioning. All of the shared moments, the laughter, the hugs and kisses shared, the romantic and fun dates, the road trips, not to mention if there are children attached to the memories with the person that you loved. In what feels like an instant, they are all GONE.

For me, it felt like I was losing everything, one piece at a time for what felt like a lifetime. The grief of the loss slowly attempts to take your breathe away. Your soul drifts, or so it seems. So then, …….

How do you find your way back to shore? How do you BREATHE again?

I will tell you what worked for me; ACCEPTANCE.

Giving yourself permission to grieve what has died, to feel the hurt and then release it. Letting yourself let go of his smell, the sound of his foot-steps, the tone of this voice, the way he looked at you, the way he held your hand. You may never “forget” all of these things permanently but you also can not hold on to them, initially.

You must accept what IS, if you ever want to move on to the possibility of what can be.

You can not live in what once was, what the two of you used to have, how wonderful the marriage used to be, how much he used to love you. You have to let go of every memory because they, just like with death, can hold you in a state of grieving longer than you want or need to.

Many women get stuck at the “bargaining” stage, trying or force it to work, begging the man to stay, knowing that the marriage or relationship has already died, in an effort to keep some sense of normalcy and familiarity- but you have to release it.

Before you can get to ACCEPTANCE, you MUST give yourself space to process through all 4 of the other steps; the denial, the anger, the bargaining and the depression that so many experience. You can not avoid dealing with these emotions first, whether through professional or spiritual counseling, family and friends or other healthy coping mechanisms- YOU MUST DEAL TO HEAL.

Ironically, you can start and end your healing journey with some form of this phrase. You start at “IT IS OVER.” but if you allow yourself to fully heal and recover properly, you end with,

“IT IS OVER, and I am well.” –

“Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”- Happy journey, Tish

Your Soul Can Be Restored?

Have you ever felt like life had really just taken it’s toll on your soul? Have you ever had the feeling that your entire being has been crushed by the trials and the challenges that have come. Have you ever felt like the disappointments, betrayals, heart-break, heart-ache, grief and losses that you have had to face have left your soul fragmented?

You smile, you make others smile, you keep the party jumping, making everyone else laugh, keeping others happy but underneath it all, there is a place deep within where no real light shines in. That place is your soul.

Maybe you hide the darkness well by being a light to the rest of the world. but inside you are exhausted.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THERE IS HOPE! Your soul can be restored.

I am exiting a season that I at one point thought would never end. There were some years over the last decade when I could see no light at the end of the tunnel, even though I had a real relationship with God. I felt like He had made me so many empty promises because years were passing and while there were some high points there were no major manifestations of change.

While it was not easy, I held on with the little strength that I had to my FAITH IN GOD that he would not fail me. I read His promises and even when it was had to believe, I refused to give up.

Sometimes HOPE is all that we have.

Hope and Faith carried me. What I did not know is that what God did not let kill me was indeed making me stronger. I was found my purpose. I found my joy, I found internal peace and you can too!

2020 Can be your BEST YEAR EVER! You can start right now by CHANGING YOUR MIND. Change your thoughts. Change the way that you look at your trials. Begin to ask yourself, what is God trying to teach me? Where is God taking me? Because nothing God does is without purpose!

It was the hardest season of my life that brought me to the realization of my highest potential. Look within. Seek to recover your self, your mind, heart, spirit, body and soul. Pray. Choose YOU. Declare today that in 2020 you WILL be healed, happy and whole. As you speak it, watch it manifest!

“A Whole Soul Is Amazing.”

Tishley Janeene

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